Shadow of the Legilimens
by Zaichik Arky
Summary: As one of the most talented naturally-born legilimens in the world, Regulus Black struggles to put aside his morose past and learn how to accept friendship at Hogwarts.
1. Friendless

I didn't know why I held on to the small sliver of hope that Hogwarts would be better than home. It didn't take long at all for me to discover that it could be just as miserable. At least at home magic was forbidden by my one and only tormentor. Of course, he found other ways to torture me as our dreary mother doted over me and couldn't stop her disappointed drabble of thoughts against him. It's not easy to be born a legilimens. It's a skill that is meant to be acquired, not inherently and possessed with a powerful dominance over every day matters. It nearly drove me crazy. One day a year ago I couldn't take the incessant negativity any longer and crying, I told my mother that I just wanted it to stop. She couldn't be more happy that her favorite child was born with such a 'gift'. Somehow, I convinced her to find me an occulemancy teacher to help get everyone's thoughts out of my head. As I became one of the most gifted, youngest occulemens, my professor said that my gift was so strong, that it was impossible for me to completely control it. I could block out most thoughts, but never the strongest emotions. The combined misery of my mother and brother lay a hamper over my existence as if a reaper consistently hovered over me.

I looked forward to Hogwarts only for the fact that I could get away from it. Surely no one's emotions were as consistently dreary as my family's. I could live with everything else.

My brother made sure to use my occulemancy to my advantage. While never saying it to my face, he always had the same thing to say to me. No one but mother could ever like me. I was a miserable fool who no one would ever want to be friends with. At Hogwarts, I would be all alone, as I felt at home.

I heard it so often that I believed it. I could live with that though. I would no longer be around mother and him. I didn't mind being alone only if that happened.

Some would think that such a powerful occulemens would feed off the emotions of others. At the sorting ceremony, everyone's excited states of being did manage to make my heart race, but did not exactly make me look forward to my new house. My brother, the defect, was sorted into Gryffindor. This just made the relationship between him and my mother even more disastrous. I would be sorted into Slytherin, like everyone else in my family. There would be no question.

I could not imagine having to beg the sorting hat to be put into the house I belonged in. Somehow, there was big doubt in my placing.

_A family of Slytherins that spans generations…_said the sorting hat. _But does that always make a Slytherin? This child exhibits qualities that do not all fit neatly in one basket. Gryffindor could be the right placement… _the hat pondered.

I began to panic at that point. Gryffindor? I couldn't be placed into the same house as my brother. My mother would surely be mortified. And that would mean I couldn't get away from his torture even at school.

_Please, not Gryffindor. Anything but that, _ I thought, letting the hat listen to my deepest desires.

_It's clear that Gryffindor is not in your agenda, _the sorting hat sighed. _Slytherin, then,_ he said, sounding bored. _NEXT. _

With a sigh of relief, I joined the Slytherin table where they enthusiastically greeted me. Their emotion was so genuine, that I couldn't help but smile.

"You definitely chose right," a tall, blonde boy said smugly. Later, I would recognize him as Lucius Malfoy.

"Thanks," I replied, shyly.

After the sorting ceremony, things were uneventful for days. I hardly talked to anyone, so all the kids in my year thought I didn't like anyone and left me alone. I thought it was better that way. Deeply, I wanted him to be wrong, that someone could give me a chance and talk to me, but it seemed like Slytherin attracted the scheming and narcissistic type rather than the shy and quiet type like me. I couldn't imagine trying to build a friendship with most Slytherins anyway. I wasn't like them. The sorting hat was probably right to put me into Gryffindor, but I couldn't belong there either.

Mostly, I just tried to keep to my studies. When I couldn't be in the library, I studied in the common room by myself, no one really bothering me. Several days later, I witnessed a small group of 3rd years summoning a Hogwarts house elf.

Snickering, one of them ordered "I want some Bavarian toad's cane on the double."

"But-but the kitchen has no toad's cane…" the elf whimpered.

"That's an order," the boy commanded. "If you can't find some, fear the consequences. I expect you to come back in an hour with the toad's cane."

"But-but..." the house elf cried.

"IN AN HOUR," the boy yelled.

"Time is ticking," another snickered.

The elf ran off to the kitchen, crying.

As soon as he left, the boys burst out laughing.

"What will that stupid house elf do when he comes back with no toad's cane?"

"Have a nervous breakdown, of course!" The leader hooted.

"House elfs are so stupid, it's hilarious to torture them," the third chimed in.

I sighed. I couldn't concentrate on studying here any longer. The thoughts of those boys were beyond nauseating. I felt filthy just being around them. I slammed by books shut and was about to go to the dorms when the leader told one of his subordinates to fetch him a sock.

_Oh no_, I thought. The poor house elf. Who would be so cruel? Against my better judgment, I decided to stay. There would be no one to defend the defenseless creature.

"What are you gunna do with that sock?" one of the boys asked.

"You'll see," the leader snickered.

Sure enough, the house elf returned, crying, after exactly one hour.

"Ruddy couldn't find the master's cane's toad. Ruddy is sorry! So sorry!" he cried, groveling at the boy's feet.

"Well then, since you failed my request, you will have to accept the punishment," the boy said, in monotone.

The elf looked up in fear as the boy slowly pulled out the sock.

"No, no!" he cried, "anything but that!" he wailed. "Not clothes, please…"

The boy slowly got closer and closer to the elf as his minions snickered harder and harder.

I couldn't take any more of it. "Stop it," I said, coming between the elf and the leader.

"What?" he said, stunned.

"That elf didn't do anything to you." I said quietly. "Please, just leave it alone."

You didn't need to be an occulemens to feel how much the boy wanted to harm me at that moment.

"Don't you have a lot of gall, first year," he said, smiling. "You want me to stop, then make me," he said, coming closer. I eyed his friends as they rounded up on me. Feeling their pleasure about doing vast bodily harm to me almost made me faint. At that point, I was too scared to even run away.

"Hey, Avery," the leader laughed. "Who do you think is going to cry harder now? The house elf or this stupid first year?"

Avery guffawed. "I don't know, Mulciber, it's hard to tell."

I thought I was completely done for, when someone approached the boys.

"What's going on?" the third year boy asked, suspiciously.

"Oh, Severus," Mulciber said. "This first year thinks he can tell us what to do. We need to show him a lesson."

Severus sighed. Noticing the house elf, cowering behind me, he asked "What is this house elf doing here?"

"They were torturing it," I mumbled, as they glared at me.

"I thought Lucius told you to stop doing that," Severus said sternly.

"Not because he feels bad for them," Avery muttered.

"Yes, I imagine it had to do with the 60 lost house points when Professor Slughorn found out. If you don't want that to happen again, I suggest leaving the house elves alone."

"Alright," Mulciber conceded. "Let's go, guys," he commanded, as the rest of his coherts followed him away. All they managed to do was to shove me as they walked past.

I exhaled and sunk to the nearest chair.

"Thank you," I said to my savior.

"That was really stupid, you know," Severus said.

"I suppose…"

"The hat was right in wanting to put you into Gryffindor," he mumbled.

"I suppose I chose this," I wryly smiled.

"You chose to make enemies out of the most ruthless thugs in the whole school," Severus explained.

"I figured as much. They didn't' seem scared of you, though," I said. Somehow, I felt a small bit of fear when Severus interrupted.

"That's because being talented in… certain things helps a little."

I nodded. "I'm Regulus," I said.

"Severus," he said, eying me. "You really don't quite belong here, do you?" Severus said, bluntly.

I looked at the ground. "It's ok, I don't really quite belong anywhere. I'm used to it."

He pondered this in silence for a minute. "Neither do I, I suppose," he said.

I looked in his eyes. He meant it.

He looked out the window for a second before talking to me again. "My friend and I are planning to study right now. Would you like to join us?"

My eyes widened. I was taken aback. Someone wanted my presence? "Well I'm just a first year, I'm not sure if I could really be useful…" I said, shyly.

"It's ok, you can study your own things. I think that my friend will want to meet you."

I smiled. "Alright." Severus waited for me as I gathered my books. I followed him, not knowing where we were going and soon I found him taking us to the astronomy tower. An interesting study location, I thought.

"We use this small room to study. It's quiet and hardly anyone comes up here, " Severus explained, opening the room. It looked cozy inside.

As we were arranging our materials, Severus's friend showed up. Severus immediately began to change. The moment she walked through the door, his heart raced and his emotions raced with them. I couldn't read his psyche at any moment until then, not even when he was standing up to the bullys. It couldn't be any clearer. He was madly in love with this girl, and she really didn't know it. I tried to read her quickly as he introduced me, seeing if she felt the same way. It wasn't clear, though she did feel something for him.

"Regulus," she repeated, giving me her hand. "I'm Lily."

"Nice to meet you." She said.

Her eyes widened as Severus told her the story. "You really stood up like that to Mulciber?" She exclaimed.

":I guess," I said, shyly.

"Wow, you really do belong in Gryffindor!" she laughed. We chatted for a few minutes before we quieted down to study. Soon, however, I found her staring at me.

"I'm sorry, Regulus," you really do look familiar. "What was your surname?" she asked.

"Black," I replied.

"Black?" she cried. The mood of the room changed drastically as Severus leapt out of his chair.

"So you're…" he pointed. 

"Sirius' brother," she exclaimed.

I became scared at the strong emotions. "I take it that you don't like my brother?" I meekly asked.

"Your brother is the second most despicable, idiotic, narcissitic giant-squid-loving sorry excuse for a wizard I have ever met. Second only to his alpha male, James," Severus spat.

"Well, if it's any consolation to you, he really hates me because I'm the complete opposite of him," I assured.

"Really?" Lily smiled.

"Sirius makes it out like everyone is in love with him," I said, "I'm surprised to find that isn't the case."

"Hardly," Severus muttered, sitting back down.

"Complete opposite of him, is it?" Lily said. "I think we'll be good friends then," she laughed.

Severus couldn't help but smile too as the mood in the room returned to joviality. _Friends? _ I thought. Surely she had to be mistaken. No one would ever want to be my friend… I couldn't get my hopes up. They'd change their mind soon. They had to.

It would be a while before I acknowledged Lily's genuine words. Even as one of the most powerful legilimens in the world, years of conditioning couldn't let me feel just how authentic the both of them were.


	2. Saved by the ruthless

Somehow, against my most ardent predictions, that night at the astronomy tower was not the last I saw of Sevreus and Lily. Despite being older than me and more confident at everything than I was, they invited me to not only join them in their studies, but also just to 'hang out'. Often we'd be doing nothing, just sitting and chatting about whatever topic by the Hogwart's lake. Sometimes it would be more serious. Times were starting to change for dark wizards with the rise of an alleged 'Lord Voldemort' whose reputation made it so that others feared even saying his name. We speculated on which students and even professors would join him, and who had already joined his legions.

I still kept from them my legilimency abilities, so little did they know that I knew far more about which young wizards would run straight to the Dark Lord upon graduation, and I even knew which professors already had branded themselves loyal cohorts.

"Even as the Defense teacher, do you think Slughorn is on the right side?" Lily asked one afternoon.

"He seems good enough," Severus pondered.

I knew myself that he was on the right side, but sometimes deep down he wondered how it would be like to switch alliances. He was a Slytherin after all. When the going gets rough, the Slytherins get going to where they think they are most likely to save their own skins.

"If you guys want to worry about Professors, you really should be keeping an eye on the Potions Professor, Raffles. He can't wait to join him as soon as things start looking bad for the good wizards."

"How do you know?" Severus asked.

"I guess I just have a feeling," I mumbled, twirling a blade of grass between my fingers. I could feel their suspicion.

"Do you have a feeling about anyone else?" Lily asked.

"Not about the teachers. As for students, I'm confident that at least two thirds of the Slytherins know where they're going. Not sure about the others."

"Things are starting to look awfully grim, aren't they?" Lily sighed.

"We still have time to figure out what to do," Severus tried to assure.

Things turned more light-hearted when Lily asked who the giant squid would take as its mate, Sirius or James. I laughed and said that it desired qualities found in both of them, though it couldn't really contend with the combined narcissism so it would just end up eating them both.

The rest of my first year passed somewhat uneventfully for me. At some point, Severus became obsessed when he learned about the nightly outings of the maurderers every full moon. I didn't tell him that I knew his suspicions were correct. While Remus Lupin was a mauderer himself, he never really participated in humiliating Severus and he was overall a nice person, so I didn't immerse myself in his own vendetta. I tried to stop him when I learned it was getting too far.

"I know about your plan to go to the Shrieking Shack tonight, Severus," I confronted him on a full moon in November.

"H-how?" He stuttered, disbelieving.

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. Please, just don't do it. Don't go there. It's dangerous, you know you could get killed."

He turned around. "I know, but I have to find out what's going on there."

"No, you don't. It really has nothing to do with you. Let those stupid Gryffindor menaces carry out whatever their ruckus may be and leave it at that."

"I have to go, Reg, don't try to stop me. I'm going to expose those imbeciles for what they really are. "

I sighed. "Alright, at least let me go with you. I can keep guard or something."

"It's dangerous, I can't let you go, you're only a first year."

"Let me go with you or don't go at all," I said, finally.

Severus conceded and allowed me to go with him. A sense of dread enveloped me as we walked down there late at night. I had the distinct fear of mortality at that moment and it didn't get any better as we walked down to the screams of agony coming from the shack. Whatever Lupin was experiencing wasn't pretty. I felt sorry for him having to go through with it every month.

"Ok, I'm going in," Severus said when we got to the door.

"This is a very bad idea, Sev," I still wasn't giving up on trying to convince him to stop. "There is nothing I can do to convince you to just go back?"

He shook his head. "You stay here. If something goes wrong, you run back right away and immediately notify the headmaster." 

I sighed. "Alright." It didn't take long at all for something to go wrong. After 5 minutes, I felt immense dread from Severus that permeated the shack's thin walls. After hearing him scream, I forgot all about his instructions to run back to Hogwarts and instead I ran to him. I found him on the ground, surrounded by James, Sirius, and Peter.

Their eyes bore at me when I entered the room.

"What are you doing here, runt?" Sirius glared at me.

"It looks like your little brother is now Snivelus's right hand man," James hooted. "Sorry, runt, you came too late and missed out on the action. Looks like Sniv here is indebted to me for saving his neck."

Severus glared at him. "Only on an attempt to save yours!"

"Just take him and get out of here," Sirius said.

I helped him up and lead him away.

_Do you think Snivelus really is your friend? Remember, no one likes you, no one wants to do anything but use you. That's all he's doing. That's all he knows how to do._

I glared at him and turned crimson. I couldn't say anything to him, and he knew that.

We walked back to the dorms in silence. His emotions made it clear as to what happened. James really did save him. That must have offended Severus the most.

"So I take it no more late night visits to the shrieking shack?" I asked when we got into bed.

"Good night, Reg," he growled as he threw the covers over his head.

I smiled. "Good night, Sev."

The rest of the year went off without a hitch. Sometimes I was cornered by Mulciber and his gang, but Severus had some kind of uncanny intuition to save me in time. I can't say it was the same for him and the Mauderers. Lily stuck by Severus' side at most times, but always when she'd be away from something, James or Sirius would pop out of nowhere, immediately slamming some kind of jinx on him and all I could do was to help get him to the infirmary or try my hand at the counter jinx. More often or not, they would double their efforts and include me in the torture.

I was not looking forward to summer vacation. Severus didn't talk much about his family and the few times the subject came up, I felt some kind of intense inward anguish that he kept private. At least he had Lily to be with. I had my dreary mother and tormenting brother to contend with all summer.

At some point, noticing my impending gloom, Lily asked what was wrong. "I guess I just don't really want to go home for the summer. I don't really like it there."

"Poor Reg," Severus said, sympathetically. "He has to deal with that twat of an older brother all summer long."

"I'm hoping he'll spend most of the summer away with James or at least in his room so I don't' have to deal with him," I admitted.

"We'll write to you, Reg," Lily said, smiling and putting her hand on my shoulder. "Maybe that will help the time go by."

"Really?" I looked at her.

"I promise."

"I will too," Severus concurred.

"Thanks guys," I smiled. Maybe my summer wouldn't be so bad after all.

Summer vacation actually did end up fairly uneventful. I distracted myself from my dreary household by starting the Hogwarts text books early on. It would be good to have a heads-up on things, especially subjects that didn't come easily to me, such as Herbology. There were just so many plant species to memorize and it seemed to double from last year.

Sirius managed to stay out of my way most of the summer. He convinced James and his family to let him stay there for a good part of vacation and the rest of the time he was either hiding in his room, listening to muggle music, or doing whatever else to annoy our mother.

Lily and Severus kept their promise to me and sent me letters every week. I looked forward to reading about their summer them and sent them long responses, even though mine was nowhere as interesting as theirs was. They talked about lots of muggle activities that seemed very foreign to me. Going to the beach, swimming, sunbathing(though that one Severus didn't enjoy much), taking walks in the forest… the list of activities continued. I was envious that I wasn't born into a muggle family. Lily's family sounded very nice. During one of her last letters, Lily said that next year she would invite me over and we could do things with the three of us. She said that her family would love to meet me. I was really surprised. Friends invited each other over to their houses, didn't they? The only time Lily acknowledged that they were friends was the first day they'd met, and then she'd said it only as a joke. Maybe it was something implicit that irrevocably existed between people. I didn't really understand it, I never had friends before.

I was happy to go back to school. Even Sirius's mood uplifted when time was drawing closer. I read through the herbology textbook and made sure to memorize as many plant species as possible. Though I was most looking forward to potions. It seemed like second years would be brewing more interesting things. Supposedly even a love potion was on the agenda, not that I'd really have any use for an aphrodisiac.

After saying goodbye to mother, I quickly raced aboard the train where I found Lily and Severus. I really missed them after a long summer.

"Hi!" I said, out of breath, when I found them.

"Regulus!" Lily squeaked, enveloping me into a tight hug. The immense feeling of joy and delight at seeing me made me just as ecstatic to see them. "I missed you, Reg!" she said, taking my arm and leading me to a private compartment.

"I missed you guys too," I said, grinning. "I'm really happy to see you again and go back to school."

"So your summer didn't seem as awful as you thought, right?" Severus asked.

"Yeah, it was fine. Sirius and I managed to stay away from each other the entire summer. It was just quite dull. Not like your summer."

"Next year, you're invited to have fun with us," Lily reminded.

"Thanks, I'm already looking forward to it."

I was happy to return to the normalcy of life at Hogwarts. The mauderers were still finding ways to get to Severus, but they found other ways of scheming that didn't involve us. Something unprecedented happened within the first 3 months of school that would lead to a rift starting to form between Lily and Severus. As the Mauderers usually found us unprepared for their attack, one day in the garden Sirius and James snuck up on Severus and I and threw us to the ground. They didn't even need to use an expelliarmus charm as the wand flew out of our hands. Soon we found ourselves wandless with James and Sirius.

"I should have seen these idiots coming," Severus growled.

"The problem, my dear Snivelus, is that you never do," Sirius laughed.

"So looks like we have our slimy serpentine friends in a tight spot again," James taunted, walking around us.

"What shall we have them do today?" He pondered.

"I dunno, James, but it was pretty funny when we put the _tarantallegra _curse on them that one time," Sirius said.

I groaned as I remembered the time the mauderers made us dance badly in front of a crowd of Gryffindors before Lily showed up and put a stop to it.

James laughed, "Yeah that was so great! But seeing as we're missing an audience this time, I have something even better," his eyes bore into mine and a feeling of great dread over took me.

Suddenly, from nowhere I hear a booming _expelliarmus _from behind us. James and Sirius didn't know what hit them as instantly they were the ones compromised and without wands.

I quickly looked behind to see Mulciber, Avery, and Dreg pointing their wands at James and Sirius, who were knocked to the ground.

"These Gryffindor horklumps bothering you, Severus?" Mulciber asked as Avery helped us up.

"Thanks," Severus said, dumbfounded at the rescue. 

"Hey there, plimpies," Mulciber said. "If I see you bothering Slytherins again, the next time you meet us will be far worse."

"Severus, let us have the honor this time," Avery said.

"Sometimes we think it's best to handle things the way those muggles do," Mulciber said, grinning as the three of them proceeded to use their fists for vengeance. Sirius and James didn't stand a chance as they were clobbered by the boys twice their size. I still couldn't watch as they both experienced the most excruciating moments of their lives. They were soon rolling on the ground, groaning and clutching their stomachs. They were full of cuts and bruises. Madame Pomfry would have her hands full tonight.

Mulciber put his arm around Severus as they walked back to the Slytherin dungeon. "Slytherins got to watch out for each other," he said. Though I knew he had an ulterior motive. Slytherins didn't do anything just for the sake of 'watching out for each other'. He knew that Severus was skilled in Dark Arts. He spent hours developing his talents, managing to keep it secret from Lily, who disapproved of dark magic.

"That was really great, what you did," Severus said. "You really saved our necks."

"No problem, any time those Gryffindors give you trouble, just come find us, we'll take care of it."

Severus nodded. "We will."

"You know, Severus, there are some things you can do to help us out a bit…" Mulciber started.

"Oh?"

"I hear that you're quite skilled in the dark arts. You know, defense stuff."

"I suppose I am," he said, slowly.

"Would you mind tutoring us a bit in that?" Mucliber asked. "You know, so we can better protect ourselves."

Bollocks to 'protection', I thought. They didn't need any protection. They were the most feared kids in the whole school. No one would dare even try to oppose them. They wanted Severus to help them just so they can use the curses against the defenseless or so that they could impress the Dark Lord after they graduated.

"Sure, I think I can do that," Severus said.

Mulciber clapped his hands. "Excellent!" he exclaimed.

I tried to catch Severus' eye and let him know that this was a bad idea, but he was too caught up in Mulciber and his gang's attention to notice me.

I suppose the only good thing that came out of Severus' new alliance is that it was both the last time Mulciber and his gang tried to pick on me as well as the last time James and Sirius managed to get at me, though somehow even though that huge beating, leaving Severus alone didn't sink into their thick skulls until later.


	3. Love and Legilimency

I almost would say that I'd rather had James and Sirius abuse us than have been saved by Mulciber and his thugs. The lack of torture was nice, but being indebted to them was worse. I became more worried when Severus was spending less time with Lily and I, and more time with Mulciber and his growing legions and teaching them dark magic. He'd started to perfect several spells he'd come up with himself. Most deadly was becoming known as his specialty- _sectumsempra, _a dark curse which inflicted the victim with deadly cuts that would kill them unless the counter curse- _vulnera sanentur _would be used on them. Perhaps vulnera could be used in other purposes, but I viewed sectumsempra as a very evil curse that brutes like Mulciber had no business learning. I really feared their mastery of Severus's most deadly curse.

I tried to keep Lily as oblivious to Severus's activities as possible, but I couldn't keep everything from her. She hated Mulciber and the rest of his followers more than I did and hated their newfound interest in Severus. I knew that they'd already argued about it in the past from reading Severus's emotions. I feared that someday, their influence would cause him to unintentionally do something that was simply unforgivable to Lily. It was getting more and more complicated by the day and I feared the falling apart of the people I cared most about.

I don't know if audacity almost to the point of masochism was a Gryffindor trait, or only a James and Sirius reckless behavior trait, but one day James managed to catch Severus off guard again. I happened to not be nearby him, but for once, I managed to sneak up on him and Sirius. The two of them started to badger and taunt him about waiting for the right moment when none of his protectors were around, though somehow they left me out of the equation. I quickly realized that it was my turn to come to his rescue, but thinking about how to do it sent me into a panic.

As James was drawing upon Severus closer and closer, I realized now was my only chance. I leapt up in front of Sirius and James, drawing my wand out.

"Leave Severus alone," I said, my wand slightly shaking as I pointed it at them.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, runt?" Sirius said, dumbfounded.

"So baby snakey thinks he can save his big daddy snake, eh?" James taunted. "We'll just see about that,"

"_Expe-" _James started.

Panicking, I yelled the only spell that had been in my mind at that second. "_sectumsempra!" _ I flicked my wand around James's torso as he screamed in agonizing pain. Cuts began to appear all over his body as he fell to the ground. Thunderstruck Sirius dropped down to help him.

Stunned myself, I dropped my wand.

"What did you do?" Sirius yelled at me, his eyes bearing hatred. I thought that he'd re-enact the beat down Avery gave him on me at that second.

Severus quickly moved next to them. "Move, brute," he shoved Siruis aside as he checked James status.

"You get away from him…" Sirius started, pointing his wand at Severus.

"Regulus may know the Sectum curse, but I am the only one who can administer the counter. I suggest staying out of my way unless you want your moronic friend to die," Severus said.

Hesitating, Sirius backed away.

"You are lucky that Reg was the one who did this curse on you, idiot. It would have killed you had I done it." Grudgingly, Severus started the vulnera encantation. Soon, James was able to sit up as the cuts disappeared from his body.

"Guess I'm not so indebted to you after all," Severus muttered, standing up and coming to my side.

"You could have killed him!" Sirius yelled, pointing his wand back at me. His enmity bore into my conscience. All the hatred directed at me made it almost unbearable.

"I didn't mean…" I started, looking at the ground.

"Reg was only protecting me," Severus said. "I guess nothing about ruthless Slytherins or ingenious little brothers at that can stop your love for giving yourselves a beat down. Twice in a row, now. We'll make sure to top it off even more next time," Severus taunted.

Sirius glared at him but still continued to direct his hatred at me. "Why do you protect him, runt?" He yelled. This time, he couldn't even control it and keep it in his mind. "You think he's your friend? You think he would do the same for you? He's a conniving Slytherin who would not think twice about saving his own neck. What have I told you all your life? Snivelus doesn't know a damn thing about friendship."

I looked at the ground, saying nothing. What could I say?

"I'd keep your mouth shut, dog," Severus began to get angry. "Unless you want to see what a sectum curse looks like from the one who perfected it,"

"Pads, give it a rest," James stepped in, putting his hand on Sirius' shoulder.

Wanting to berate me more, Sirius opened his mouth, but then shut it quickly, diverting his gaze.

"Let's just go," James said, leading him away.

With one final glare, Sirius left with James, but his hatred continued to linger on for some time.

Severus picked up my dropped wand and handed it to me.

"Thank you, Reg, you really saved me," he said, genuinely.

I looked at him. "I didn't want to do it like that," I said, quietly.

"I know… I know that you wouldn't want to hurt a fly with magic, but sometimes you have to hurt the pesky flies or else they contaminate your food."

"I just wish they'd leave us alone. They never learn."

"I imagine they're already scheming up their next attack," Severus sighed. "But good Merlin did you surprise them then," Severus smiled.

I returned his smile, just not as wide. It was almost funny to watch James' reaction as I pulled the sectum curse, before he was on the floor, convulsing with his injuries.

I remained quiet and contemplative for the rest of the night. I didn't believe what Sirus said about Severus not knowing how to have a friendship. That much was evident from his interactions with Lily, what I thought about was if anyone was capable of having a friendship with me.

Realizing that something was still bothering, Severus asked me about it later that night. "Are you alright, Reg?" He asked. I could feel genuine concern.

"Yeah, sure, Sev," I said, unconvincingly.

"Are you still upset that you damaged Potter like that? You know, he's fine."

"I know…" I said.

"Then what is it? Don't tell me you are upset over those stupid lies your imbecile brother said?"

When I hesitated, his eyes widened. I could feel a brief jolt of pain.

"You believe him?"

"Can we not talk about this?" I sighed.

"Maybe we should, if you think I'm using you for something and I don't know how to make friends."

I looked in his eyes. "No, Sev, that's not it at all. What would you even need to use me for? I'm a lowly, useless second year. And spending 5 minutes with you and Lily would not make anyone doubt that you are a wonderful friend."

"Then what the hell is it? You've been really upset ever since we got back here from that incident, despite you trying to hide it. And I can't figure out what is bothering you" I could feel his immense frustration. He really wanted to help me, but I wasn't being helpful. How could I even begin to explain to him? He wouldn't trust me after he found out the truth about my legilimency ability. Nor would he believe that Sirius conditioned me to believe I was incapable of anyone's friendship.

"Sev, it's very complicated," I said. "Can we just leave it at that?"

"Obviously you have some kind of emotional problem, and I'm really bad at handling those kinds of issues, so I guess we'll have to," he conceded. I knew that he wouldn't give up, though. It was clear to me that he would just send me to the one who would be able to handle emotional problems, and that was really the last thing I wanted at that point.

"Thanks," I mumbled, and opened my textbook. There were still about 50 plant species that I still didn't quite memorize.

An hour passed without Severus bothering me about what happened. Then when most Slytherins were going to bed, he asked me if I wanted to go to the astronomy tower and study with him up there.

"It's past 11 at night, Sev. Don't you think it's too late to go study astronomy?"

"There is a pretty good view of Jupiter at this time of year," Severus said, trying to convince me.

I sighed. "I know what you're planning and I don't want it."

He raised one eyebrow. "Maybe Divination should be your best subject," he said. "Seeing as you are so great at predicting the future."

I shook my head. "You don't really even know the half of it."

"Please, Reg, come," he tried to convince me. "You don't want to blow off Lily, do you?"

"How am I the one blowing her off, when I didn't even ask her to meet me?" I said angrily.

"I know… don't be mad, Reg, I just think that… you should have someone to talk to who isn't me."

I stared out the window. "I really don't want to blow off Lily," I said, finally agreeing. I realized that I would have to tell them both my secret. I had kept it from them long enough. I was scared of their reaction. There was a large chance they would be angry and not want to be with me anymore.

Severus smiled as we headed up to the tower. We found Lily there, looking through a telemosis device at Jupiter.

"Hi Reg, hi Sev," she said warmly. "You really can see Jupiter and its moons clearly this time of year."

Somehow, for a little while we didn't talk about me, but studied astronomy. Though eventually we made our way into our little study room. I sat at the couch to tidy up my notes when Lily sat beside me.

"Reg," she started. "Do you want to talk about anything with me?" She asked.

"No, not really," I mumbled, looking at my parchment.

"Alright, I'm not forcing you," she said, gently. "But realize that any time you need to talk about anything, anything that's bothering you, I'm here for you as a friend, and so is Sev."

I looked into her eyes. "Friend? "You're my friend? I'm your friend?" I repeated.

She looked surprised. "Of course, Reg, you are. You are very dear to me. I'm sorry that I did something to make you feel otherwise."

I looked away. "You didn't."

"I realize that Sev and I are your first friends. I don't know how I made that same mistake with you that I made with Sev. I was his first friend too. He was very shocked when I told him that we were best friends one day. I suppose that friendship for most people is something irrevocable, something that doesn't need to be acknowledged to know that it exists."

Severus nodded. "I never had a friend before I met Lily, so I was surprised that she considered me her best friend all along. You are our friend, Reg, sorry that wasn't clear. I guess it was clear to us, but wasn't to you."

My eyes started to burn and I feared that I would soon lose it. "Guys, there is something that I have been keeping from you, something that is important to know…" I started.

"What is it, Reg?" Lily gently asked.

"I'm a legilimens," I said.

"You are a mind reader?" Sev said, disbelieving. "But you have to practice for years and years to be a legilimens."

I sighed. "Not everyone. I was born a legilimens, it's an 'ability' that developed when I was a child."

"You know, I might have heard of that in _History of Magic," _Lily said. "Naturally-born legilimens are very rare."

"Yes and when the ability is naturally present it is… most potent." I said.

"So you know what everyone is thinking always?" Severus asked.

I shook my head. "Being able to read everyone's thoughts and emotions is not as great as you think it is. Especially growing up at my house. All the negatively drove me crazy. Eventually I begged my mother to take me to an occulemency expert. I learned how to block out most thoughts so that people's minds would stop trying to overtake my own. I managed to regain my sanity that way."

"So now you only read minds when you want to?" Lily asked.

"I try not to do it at all. Peoples' minds are their own, private sanctuaries. If I could, I would keep out all together. I did manage to keep away most thoughts, however, even as I mastered occulemency, my professor told me that my legilimens ability was so strong, that I could never fully block out everyone's thoughts. Whenever anyone has a particularly strong emotion, I always feel it. Immense joy, sadness, anger, hatred… you name it, anytime there is any kind of potency, I always feel it. Strong thoughts do carry across, but it seems like I'm more of an empath than anything."

"I see…" Lily said, contemplating this. "Why do you keep it secret from everyone?" She finally asked.

"You know that I don't like attention as it is," I explained. "If everyone knew, I would have a lot of unwanted attention on me. Also, people would fear me. Even if they knew I could only sense strong emotions, they would constantly be in fear of me trying to read their most secret thoughts. That is not something I want to live with."

"I understand…" Lily said. "It does explain some unusual things about you," she smiled. "Thank you for entrusting us with your secret now," she said.

"We won't share it with anyone," Severus concurred.

"You aren't upset with me?" I asked

She shook her head. "It's unfortunate you felt that you had to keep this giant secret from us. And it's more unfortunate that you doubted our friendship all this time, but now that the cat is out of the bag, I hope it will inspire you to trust us more.

I looked at my hands. "It's not that I don't trust you, I do. I just…" I sighed. "You're going to think I'm really stupid for listening to Sirius all this time, but all my life, I've only heard one thing from him. That no one could possibly like me, that no one would ever want to be my friend. He said that our house elf, Kreacher, was the closest thing to a friend that I would ever have. Still here, he keeps saying that Sev isn't really a friend and he just is using me. I know that he isn't using me, but I really didn't think that either of you considered me a friend."

"Sirius is a dirtbag," Lily said angrily. "No, you should not have listened to him, but that's all you knew. He was wrong, and has been wrong all along. Reg, listen," she said, taking my hand. "I never thought that there would be anyone to fit into our friendship that Sev and I have. But when we met you, our pair turned into a trio, and we really couldn't be happier. You are the kindest, most compassionate person I have met, and I really am honored to know you, and to be your friend. You are more than worthy of our friendship."

I looked at her and I knew that her words could not be more genuine.

"Lily is right, Reg," Severus said. "I'm really happy that you fit in with us so well, you are truly a great friend."

I nodded. "I don't really know how I would be like if you hadn't saved me from Mulciber that first day we met. I would just be infinitely lonelier," I said to Severus.

"Listen, Reg. You are a legilimens, so you can read my mind if you wanted to, right?" She asked.

"Well yes, but…"

"So I want you to. I give you permission to barrage into my mind and see just how much you mean to me," she said.

"I don't know, Lily…. The mind is a very private place…" I started.

She shook her head. "But I give you permission. I want you to see for yourself," she insisted.

"You can go into mine too, Reg," Severus agreed.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked.

"We insist. Our minds are an open door for you to enter," she smiled. "So don't be shy, make yourself at home…"

"Alright… " Reaching into their minds, even if guarded would have been no problem for me, but considering they left them completely open for my entrance made it very easy for me to feel their thoughts with them hardly noticing I was connected. Immediately when I made the link, I found an overwhelming sensation of warmness and safety. It permeated not only my mind, but every crevice of my body and even my soul. I had never felt this before, the only time I had experienced anything close to it was when Severus and Lily were interacting. It was always a constant flow of warmness and security that existed between them and would never truly fade. Suddenly it hit me, this was love. Though this time, instead of it being directed at each other, it was directed at me. No one had ever had those kinds of emotions for me before, and being connected to them made it all the more overwhelming.

The next minute was a blur as I was unable to maintain the connection and somehow found myself sobbing on Lily's chest as she held me, protectively. While I was no longer connected, I still felt the strong emotions centered at me while she held me and it was too overwhelming. I cried and cried, clutching at the bottom of her blouse as she gently rocked me and stroked my hair. I could still hear her thoughts as she held me which was _I love you, Regulus. I love you very much._ I must have cried for half an hour before I ran out of tears and just let myself be held by her.

Eventually I sat up and tried to wipe the remaining tears from my face. She helped me and I smiled a little. "I'm sorry, guys," I mumbled.

"Nothing to be sorry about, mate," Severus said. "Merlin knows I've used Lily for this same purpose in the past," he admitted.

I was worried that he would be jealous that she was so close to be, but I could feel no such emotions. It was only a deep sense of empathy, as if he knew exactly how I felt and he had been through something very similar before.

"Reg, this is good. You're letting go," she said. "You've finally realized that Sirius has been selling you complete bollocks for years, and that's very good. You can finally start to heal."

I nodded. "Thank you."

"We're your friends, we love you. We're just glad it's clear to you now," Lily said.

"We'll always be here for you," Severus agreed.

We sat there quietly for another few minutes until Lily mentioned just how late it was. "We really should get going to bed. Imagine Filch when he finds us wandering the halls at this hour," she said.

"Let's cast some invisibility charms," Sev said. We cast the charms, said our goodnights and soon found ourselves in bed.

"Goodnight, Sev," I said, sleepily.

"Night, Reg," he replied

Exhausted, I fell asleep very quickly. That night's catharsis would be a new beginning for me. Love was a new emotion that I wasn't used to. However, really quickly it became the best feeling in the world and I could not be more grateful to Lily and Severus for letting me into their minds.

**Authors Note**

Well this is really the chapter that I wrote this fic for. I do have some other chapters I could write, but not having any comments is a little discouraging. I hope that some of you like what I've written and give any kind of feedback : ).


	4. A new friend

I would love to say that the night at the astronomy tower made Severus all that much more devoted to our friendship, but it seems as though all Slytherins have a way of somehow getting others to help them achieve what they set out for. Severus still stayed devoted to helping the burgeoning Death Eaters learn more frightening dark arts. Every time I confronted him about this, he said that he had it under control. I really had my doubts about which side he would go on after he graduated. He always told me if I'd rather have it so that the Mauderers would continue besting us, and I always said that I would. I'm sure this frustrated him, but I would never trust any would-be Death Eater.

It was also concerning when Mulciber's crew decided that practicing forbidden magic out in the open was just alright with them. One day, I came upon them practicing the crucio curse on a spider. They were having fun torturing the poor arachnid when an annoying Gryffindor 2nd year I recognized as Mary McDonald approached. Fearlessly, she accosted the Slytherins and announced that she would tell Professor McGonagall that they were practicing forbidden curses.

"Really now?" Mulciber said, forgetting about the spider and now staring down the audacious Gryffindor. "Maybe we should just practice the curse on you instead?" He said, grinning sadistically.

Finally I felt a twinge of fear coming from her when the rest of the Slytherins drew closer and closer.

_Crucio! _Mulciber yelled as Mary shrieked out in pain.

The pain was so strong that I could barely handle it. I couldn't watch this.

"Mulciber, stop it," I said, coming up next to him. He stopped and let her go. He stared at me. "You would be expelled if a professor found out that you are practicing unforgivable curses on other students," I explained.

"Won't be any skin off my teeth," Mulciber snickered. "I have plans."

"I know you do, "I said. "But do you think that you-know-who would want a 3rd year drop out who still had limited knowledge of dark arts?" I questioned. "It's better you stay in school, Mulciber," I said, convincingly.

"Good point, I guess," Mulciber conceded. He looked at Mary. "You tell anyone about this, and you'll pay with the other curses I've been practicing," he threatened. She was too stunned to reply, so he called off his minions while I stayed with her. I helped her to her feet.

"Don't you know it's somewhat foolish to provoke the nastiest Slytherins in the entire school?" I asked.

She glared at me. "You should know, you're with them."

I looked away. "I pretend I am, anyway."

She sighed. "I guess I should thank you for helping me," she held out her hand. "I'm Mary," she said.

"Regulus," I replied, shaking her hand.

"Oh!" she said, as a light went off in her head. "You're Lily's friend aren't you?" She asked.

"Yes, Lily and I are good friends," I smiled.

She frowned. "She's also friends with that Snape boy. Though I really don't get what she sees in him," she complained.

"Severus is a good person," I said, "He's just… it's hard to explain," I said, not wanting to spill any kind of personal information.

"He's shifty is what he is," she said, "And rumor has it that he's the one teaching all the dark spells to Slytherins,"

I frowned. Severus was really starting to build up a reputation. If it continued, he could very well be the one expelled, which I'm sure was the last thing he wanted. "Severus is also my friend, you just don't know him like I do," I finally said.

"I suppose I don't," she said, raising an eyebrow. _Not that I really want to. _I could hear her think.

"You know, you're really good in potions," she said, changing the subject.

"Thanks," I said. I knew that she was one of the worst in our class. It was clear why. Potions took patience and following directions, two things that Mary was very poor at.

"I'm rather lousy at it myself," she admitted.

I smiled, "but you're good at herbology," I complimented. I remembered that she always drew praise from Professor Sprout at how well her plants thrived,"

"Yeah, it's my favorite subject," she grinned.

"Not mine," I said.

She laughed. "That's funny, your best subject is my worse and vice versa,"

I smiled. "I suppose that is," I said.

"Maybe… do you want to study together sometime?" She asked. "We could help each other," she explained.

"Oh," I said, in surprise. I never expected someone to want to study with me, especially another Gryffindor. "I think… I'd like that," I replied, shyly.

She grinned. "Okay, I'll send you an owl sometime," she said as she prepared to leave.

"I'll be on the lookout for it," I replied, as I waved goodbye. Still somewhat in shock, I went back to the dorms to tell Severus about what happened.

For the first few times, Mary and I studied alone. Finally herbology was staring to make a little more sense to me.

"Herbology is like care of magical creatures except sometimes the plants take even more attention," Mary explained. "You have to treat the plants as if they were your loving pet," she continued.

"I suppose I don't know how that's like considering I never had a pet," I admitted.

"Really?" she said, astonished. "Hm… maybe that's why you find it hard to care for plants."

"I guess I never really did want to care for a pet, they seemed more like a nuisance than anything. I'd be afraid I'd forget to feed it or something."

"They won't let you forget," she laughed. "Anyway, just try to be in that mindset next time you are taking care of your plants. They're living beings. They have different needs and some say 'desires' as well. However, it also doesn't hurt to memorize some basic necessities that each plant type requires. It's easier if you knew that many of the necessities follow basic patterns…" she said as she began to draw a diagram in my parchment. "For example, the thorny plants take very little water, but they require rich soil," she continued as I listened carefully.

Soon, with her help, my plants really did seem to get perkier. Even Professor Sprout noticed the difference as she complimented the improvement in my Akarso. I was able to pay Mary back by tutoring her in potions. She did make quite an improvement, especially evident as Professor Slughorn chose her polyjuice potion as one of the best in the class. She grinned at me as it was selected. I was very happy for her and I smiled back.

Soon enough, Lily found out about our study sessions. "You never told me that you've made friends with Mary!" Lily scolded me one night. "Sorry, Lily," I apologized. "I'm not sure if she wanted to be known as someone who hangs out with a Slytherin."

"Well she told me anyway," Lily said, "and she also told me about how you rescued her from Mulciber,"

"It was nothing," I insisted.

She smiled slyly at me. "You know, Reg, I think Mary might just like you."

"What?" I said, then realizing what she meant, I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks. "No, of course not," I said. "I'd have been able to feel it."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Maybe not, Reg. I didn't say she was madly in love with you. But with the way she talks about you, I'm willing to bet she really enjoys the time you spend together," she said, relishing my discomfort.

"We just study!" I exclaimed, turning redder.

Lily laughed, "Alright, Reg, alright," she said ruffling my hair.

I scowled at her. "I really don't think you're right."

"Maybe, but maybe I am. I know that you like spending time studying together alone, but maybe you should invite her to study with me and Severus sometime?"

"Of course I won't mind," I said, giving her another annoyed glance. "But she doesn't seem to like Severus very much…" I said. "I'm not sure she'd agree to it."

"I know," Lily sighed. "That was another reason. So many Gryffindors have a problem with Sev and they don't even know him. Maybe if they realized he's a good person, they could spread the word. Mary could help with that. I'll try to convince her," she said.

"Good idea," I nodded.

In a few days, Mary did reluctantly agree to study with the three of us. It went very well, especially as Severus, being the best potions student in the entire school, tutored her himself. I could feel the tension disappear and knew that she began to think differently of him. I guess just little steps were what was needed to help clear Severus's name.

While the air between Lily and Severus was still tense while he taught the Slytherins more dark arts, the rest of the year went down with little problems. I wasn't looking forward to summer vacation much, but true to her word, Lily invited me to stay with her in the summer for a week.

I really looked forward to that and could hardly sleep the night before I left to visit her. Of course, I had to tell mother that Lily was a pureblood witch or else she'd probably have a heart attack. I was just grateful that Sirius wasn't around to tell her the truth, I'm sure he'd have loved an open opportunity to upset her.

I had a great time visiting Lily and Severus that summer. Her muggle family was very friendly, minus her sister, who wanted nothing to do with me, and seemed to enjoy my company as much as I enjoyed theirs. I had never been to a muggle house before, so many of the things there were new to me. Muggle appliances, furnishings, the things they did for entertainment… Lily and Sev also showed me how to play some card games and we spent a lot of time sitting on her bed, playing games.

The best time was when her family took us to the beach. I'd never been to a beach before and the waves made a vast impression on me as I stood at the shore, the waves slowly burying my feet in the sand. It soon became one of my favorite memories because everyone was in such a happy mood, and I could really feed off the blissful emotions.

At some point, the three of us were laying on the sand, next to each other, with our eyes closed, basking in the sun.

"Reg," Lily finally said.

"Hm?" I replied.

"3 years ago, a moment like this was when I told Sev that we were best friends forever and that I loved him,"

I smiled. "That must have been a very happy memory, well, I know it was, I can feel it inside both of you."

"It really was," Severus said.

"You'll be our best friend forever too, Reg," she said.

"I know," I said. "I love you too," I replied, beating her to what she'd have said next.

At that moment, I really thought that nothing could tear the three of us apart. Severus and Lily had differences, but they would always stay friends forever, and they even included me. I had no idea things would turn out so wrong so soon.

**Authors Note**

Okay, chapter 4 and still NO COMMENTS. I'm sad, guys! Well, there must be *someone* reading this. Maybe you guys just think it's boring or something. I guess this chapter is a little boring. I promise the next one will be a little more exciting, or at least, more interesting. This was kind of the segue chapter. I still am hoping someone has something to say!


	5. Forgiveness

Much of my 3rd year would be a blur to me when I looked back at it. For most of the year, little changed in my life. Mary became closer to us and I genuinely began to consider her as a friend and as someone I enjoyed spending time with. If there were any feelings she had about me, I couldn't read them. I was still disappointed Severus didn't halt his dark arts instruction, but there was very little I could do about that. For most of the year, Severus and Lily were frantically studying for their OWLS. They were really the best in their year, but I think they had high expectations for themselves, wanting to get as many "Outstandings" as possible. They went into the OWLS feeling nervous, but I imagine they left feeling confident enough that they were over and they did the very best they could.

It was several days after the OWLS when something horrible happened that would shape our lives forever. One afternoon, I came upon Severus, feeling a very dark impact on his psyche. You didn't have to be a legilimens to tell something was very wrong, but I had never felt anything so strong with him before.

I approached him as he was staring out the window, looking incredibly depressed. "Sev, what's wrong?" I asked.

"Everything," he sighed.

"What happened?"

"Lily hates me," he said, morosely.

"What?"

"I kind of… said something to her that I shouldn't have," he said.

"Oh.." Suddenly flashes of _filthy mudblood! _echoed through my mind. I hesitated before speaking. "Yeah I guess you really shouldn't have said that to her…"

He flashed me a glare. "Thanks, legilimens," he mumbled.

"I'm sorry, Sev, I…." started to apologize.

"It's ok, Reg," he sighed, interrupting. "I just really don't know what to do right now."

"You've tried apologizing?" I asked.

"Of course. I feel really terrible about this. She said she wants nothing to do with me."

"Oh… well, keep trying, Sev. She can't just give up on you, she loves you."

"I'm not so sure about that anymore. Really, things have been very tense with us for some time, I'm sure you've noticed how much she is against my camaraderie with Mulciber and the others."

"I'm not really happy about it either, Sev, but Lily is more important than them. Surely she realizes that?"

He shook his head. "I don't think she does."

"Listen, Sev, don't get discouraged," I put my hand on his shoulder, encouragingly. "Go to her and don't leave until she listens to what you have to say," I instructed.

"She doesn't want to," he argued.

"Then make her," I insisted. "She has to forgive you I mean… she has to," I said, trying to convince myself that it was impossible for her not to forgive something like this.

"Ok, Reg, I'll try again, tonight," he said.

I smiled. "Good, she'll surely forgive you," I said, but as I said that, I really wasn't sure. Severus's activities had been a driving point in their relationship. Maybe calling her that terrible name had been the last straw. I hoped not. I really couldn't stand to see them lose each other like that.

Severus tried to be confident when he left that night to chase Lily out of her dorm and make her listen, but I could feel his defeat from far away. "Keep trying, Sev," was all I could say, but he said that she was final about it and she didn't want to be friends anymore. His pain was almost unbearable to me. I wanted to start crying, but if he could keep a brave face, I would have to as well. I wondered if he knew I could feel him crying himself to sleep that night, and many nights into the future.

I hadn't talked to Lily for days after their falling apart. Finally, I had enough of Severus's misery so I approached her and asked if we could talk in private. Knowing what I wanted to discuss, she reluctantly agreed to see me.

"Lily, you have to put an end to this," I pleaded.

"It's not so easy anymore, Reg," she said sadly.

"Why not? You still love each other. Don't tell me you don't. I know you do." I said.

"Of course, I'll always love Sev. But… he has chosen his way and I have chosen mine. I chose not to be a death eater and he has chosen to bring them up. I can't be friends with someone like that, Reg."

I shook my head. "You know that he would chose you over Death Eaters a million times over." I insisted.

"He hasn't yet," she said.

I hesitated because I had no response to that. "I know the both of you are miserable. I can feel the pain and regret you have in your heart, Lil', and it's a million times worse with Sev. Being around him is like being around a Dementor. It's just nonstop gloom and dreariness. He is always like that now, he never feels positive about anything, and I imagine this won't change until you forgive him."

She sighed. "I can't, Reg, please try to understand."

"This feeling of emptiness, it won't go away," I told her. "It's always going to be there because the connection you two have will always be with you. If you cut him out of your life now, you will feel it for the rest of your life."

"I know, Reg, but that's just something I'll have to deal with."

"It doesn't… have to be like this," I said as my eyes filled with tears.

We were quiet for a minute before she pulled me into her arms. "I'm sorry, Reg, I really am, I know this is hard on you," she comforted.

I closed my eyes as tears fell on her robes. "I miss you, I miss being with you and Sev," I said, quietly.

"I miss us too…" she said.

"Does this mean you and I have to stop being friends too?" I asked.

"No…" she hesitated. "We can still be friends, however, right now, I think it's best if we didn't see each other, just for the time being. If Sev saw you hanging out with me, he would be very upset, and it's better for him that he didn't see that right now."

I sighed. "Alright."

"But I still want you to come see me again this summer, alright?" She looked into my eyes. "Sev might not be around, but we can still be together."

I nodded. "It won't be the same…"

"I know, I imagine a lot of things won't be, but I still love you, and I still love Sev. I'm sorry that things had to change," she said.

I went back to the dorms, finding Sev preoccupied with some studies. I never told him that I tried to talk to Lily. I imagined that it would just hurt him, and I couldn't do that to him anymore.

I looked forward to spending time at Lily's house less than I did last summer. I imagined it would feel a lot less emptier with Severus not being there, and it did. It was still nice to be with her, and I did enjoy spending the time with her, since I saw very little of her in the last month or so since she and Sev had that falling apart. Still, Severus's absence put a damper on our moods and the emptiness never really went away. Eventually, she suggested that I pay him a visit. She would show me where his house was, and I could go there myself to check up on him.

I knocked on his door on Spinners End one afternoon. He answered it and was really surprised to find me there. "Hi, Reg," he greeted as he stepped outside. I imagine he was embarrassed of his house. Somehow, I managed to feel a twinge of happiness, something I hadn't felt from him for a long time.

"Hi Sev," I smiled. "How are you?" I asked.

"Alright, I guess," he said. "Do you want to take a walk?" He asked.

"Sure," I agreed, as he lead me to the park.

We sat on the swings as we talked. "So you're here to visit Lily?" He asked, as a deep sensation of pain overtook him.

"Well, right now, I'm here to visit you," I said.

He smiled. "Thanks. It's nice to see you," he said, genuinely.

We sat quietly for a moment. "You know, Lily really does miss you," I said.

He looked at the ground and shuffled the sand with his feet. "Maybe you feel that, but I just feel miserable," he admitted.

I stood up. "Sev, try to talk to her again," I said.

He sighed. "Been there, done that, remember?"

"I know, but… just don't give up. Tell her that you'll always be waiting for her, and that you really want to express how sorry you are," I insisted.

""I'm not sure how to express that," he admitted.

I hesitated. "You know how you get almost every night when sadness just overtakes you and you just lay there and cry and feel like dying?" I finally said.

He blushed, embarrassed. "You know, I always knew you could feel that, but I guess that when I got like that, I just didn't care."

"It's ok, Sev," I said. "Anyway, I know how you feel, I always know how you feel, I was born with this ability. But Lily, she isn't a legilimens. She doesn't know. You have to show her."

He nodded. "It's kind of embarrassing," he mumbled.

"I know, but it really is the only way."

He looked at me. "I guess you're right," he said, standing up. "I'll give it another try."

I grinned. "That's the spirit!" I encouraged. Somehow, that made him smile too.

The next day, he showed up at Lily's doorstep. Mrs. Evans answered the door and was happy to see him, not really understanding why he had not been to her house all summer. She invited him inside, but he said that it'd be better if he could borrow Lily to talk outside for a moment. Grudgingly, she met him on the porch.

"So what'd he say?" I asked after he left.

"Said that he will wait for me at the park every day until the day I decide to talk to him. I told him not to bother, but he said that he would wait for me every day regardless." She sighed.

It took her several days to bring up the subject again, but I could tell that it didn't leave her mind.

"You know, he's there every day, waiting for you," I gently said to her one night.

"I know, Reg, he won't give this up."

"Because he won't give you up," I said.

She stared at me. "Reg, I'm really spent. I'm tired of this." She said as tears formed in her eyes.

"Then you know what you have to do," I said as I wrapped my arms around her, comforting her.

"I know," she mumbled. "I'll do it. I just need a couple days, alright?"

"No one is rushing you, Lil'" I said, "He'll wait for you forever, though it does get agonizing as each day goes by."

She nodded. "I miss him."

"Believe me, he misses you even more," I said.

She smiled. "You're a good friend, Regulus."

"So are you," I said as I let go of her. It was then when I finally knew that things had to be alright.

It did take Lily another 3 days before she had enough courage to go to Severus.

"Do you want me to stay here, or go with you?" I asked as she prepared to see him at the park.

"Go with me, but I think he'll want to talk to me alone."

"Of course," I said. I took her hand. "Let's go?"

"Let's go." She smiled as we headed out the door. She held my hand all the way to the park until she saw him.

I really don't think Severus expected her to finally show up because he felt incredibly stunned when she did.

"Hi Sev," I said, as he continued to stare at Lily.

"Hi, Reg," he replied, still awestruck.

"Um, I think I'll go back to Lily's house now," I said, leaving them alone.

"Thanks, Reg," she said, as I left.

I waved and nervously walked back to her house. I hoped that they'd be ok. I doubted I could handle all the emotion anyway.

It took just half an hour for them to come back, but it was really one of the most agonizing half hours of my life. Nervousness overtook me until the exact moment they were approaching the house when I could feel the blissful relief washing over me. I ran to the door and threw it open, grinning.

"Hi, Reg," Lily laughed as I threw myself at her, squeezing her tightly.

"You two are finally so happy!" I grinned. I could tell they'd been crying a lot, but they weren't sad anymore.

Unexpectedly, Severus hugged me. He'd never done that before. "Thanks a lot, Reg," he said. "I couldn't have done it without you."

I smiled as tears filled my eyes. Lily ushered us onto the swinging bench on her porch.

"Hey, Reg," she said. "You know, you're partially responsible for this, and we want you to feel how we feel right now, so maybe… you should connect with us so we can share?" She offered.

"I'm not sure, Lil'," I said, hesitating. "I'd probably just start bawling or something. I don't think I could handle it. Besides, I can feel it enough just right now. It's very strong."

She held my hand. "We have enough tears to go around today," she smiled. "It's alright if you start bawling, we don't mind. If you don't want to, it's ok, I just think that you really deserve to feel how we do right now."

Severus nodded. "You're part of us, you really do deserve it."

Against my better judgment, I did agree to connect with them. Somehow, I didn't start immediately bawling, but maybe it was because I felt such overwhelming happiness that I didn't feel the need to. I really didn't need to say anything at that moment, and neither did they. I held Lily's hand as I felt their emotions running through me. This would be the happiest feeling I ever experienced for many years to come.

**Author's Note**

Alright, so I really did write everything I set out for with this fic. I think it might be the longest Harry Potter fic with no reviews, lol. I have very little to add to this story, so I've just been writing like mad today. Thanks for reading. I may be persuaded to add a little more, but I kind of like leaving it as it is right now.


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